Ghareba (26)

When i saw her face for the first time i had the most amazing feeling .. a7la sh3oor 7aseta eb 7ayaty! She was so different from what i imagine.. so cute and tiny.

When I looked at her eyes for the first time and kept her in my arms i had such a new feeling. Nobody told me how is it like to love your own baby, what exactly a mother feels. I didn't know how different this new type of love can be .

I was alone .. kelman rad el bait ynam .. Manori was sleeping .. I know in that day, she became everything in the world to me. I was so tired but excited .. so i didn't sleep ,, ga3da a6ale3ha shlon nayma .. i love her!
2nd and 3rd day was the Esteqbal .. kan wayed za7ma .. wayeed .. wanasa bas ta3ab.. bel 4th day i went to mama's house .. wel mas2oleya bedat! i decided to breastfeed manori .. matakhayalt that breastfeeding is very painful and extremely uncomfortable! .. o lazem ag3ad kel sa3tain arathe3ha .. ta3ab sij ta3ab .. bel nfas 7amad makan wayed yzorna .. yoom eyye o yoom la2 .. wetha ya mayeg3ad akthar men sa3ten.. wayed adeg 3aleh alga waiting .. y9arefni a7es mayaby ysolif ma3ay .. wayed hal shay athar 3ala nafseytyy.. and i was so tired lanni manam 3adel .. o etha nemt atefazaz kela a7alem ena manora enbagat .. aw 6a7at min el frash .. also i wanted to lose the weight i gained o ebnafs el wagt kent kela yo3anaa .. mama helps alot o kanat kela tzefni lani ma artha a7ad yamsek munani .. wayed kent akhaf 3aleha eb shakel mo 6abe3e ,, kent mahwosa fehaa .. a6wal moda nemt'ha ehya 4 hours! ba3den ag3ad lanna my breast y3awerni min el 7aleb! bekhte9ar gatrat el nfas .. really WE3! i was a happy sad mama!

14 Days .. 7anait 3ala 7amad eyele 3ogob el dawam .. "dalya tadren ana wara el dawam sayer anam"

"ee nam 3endena 3adey!"

"la la fashlaaa"

"laish fashla 7amad 3afya ta3al walla walhana 3alek"

"maykhalef 7abebe laman ag3ad amurech"

i started crying "enta kela kashet feni wet9arefni o mateg3ad ela shwayya o al7en atrajak etye etnam 3endena murathy laish" sobs

"7ayaty latabchen walla fashla shegolon ahalich"

"sheno shegolon enta raylii!"

"inzain bas latabchen bayye bayeee" i didnt ask him to come bas la2anna i miss him .. 3ashan aby a3aref shelsalfa! .. taghadena then dashena el dar .. 7amad enseda7 3ala el frash to take his nap .. o ana kint arathe3 munani len namat .. eltefatt 3ala 7amad .. he was sleeping 2 .. sooooo .. re7t akhatht his mobile .. went to the bathroom .. o ga3adt at3abath! .. ebhal yoom i called him arounf 2 o kan 3enda waiting .. so .. kan fe raqam ga3ed ysolif ma3ah 20 minutes bas bedon esim .. o dag 3ala hal raqam 10 elseb7 .. elyoom eli gabla 12.30 belail !! o 8.00 belail ... 4 el3a9er .. 2 eltheher .. hathela el awqat eli kanaw bel log! fe arqam wayed bas kanaw emsayeven eb esim shabab i know them hamads friends .. bas hal raqam .. madree .. fakart adeg wasma3 elsoot .. bas etha 6ala3 wa7ed! male khelg mashakel .. shasawe ya rabbi ,, khal ashoof el inbox msgs .. mako shay .. sent items .. legeta dazlaha
bel3aks 3ade laish tgolen chethy entay la emthaygatni wala shay degay meta mataben ..

o msg thani sadgeni ana wayed wayed mestanes eni ga3ed akhdemech 3ade yuba layredech ela elsanich

what the hell was that?! hamad! ambaih he's cheeting on me ???? i remember this number .. mara i was 5 months pregnant o kena bel shaleh .. he just came from his friends chalet at 12 midnight .. was smoking bel toilet .. o ana kent mensad7a .. wesala msg min hal raqam "Wainik?" ana sheft el msg .. o staghrabt ena raqam bedon esim .. o sheft el calls kan tawa emsakra min that number .. o i asked him who was that (bas mageltla eny garet el msg geltla wesalik msg wal7en el sa3a 12.30 meno dazlik?) o he said refeja tawa kan ma3ah tawa .. 7efatht el raqam yomha .. bas sadagta .. hatha nafs el raqam! ykalemha min wana 7amil! aaahh galbi :( .. akhatht el raqam o khasheta .. radet el mobile mokana .. o sawet ro7i nayma!
laman ga3ad 3abala ana nayma .. 6ala3 men baitna o madre wain ra7 ! .. i was in shock! how could he ,, seriously HOW COULD HE! .. i cried so hard that day o umi 6ab3an shafatni .. i told her what i saw .. i told her about the chalet incident .. "la7awla wala qowata ella bellah .. hal walad madre shsalfeta"
kent atshahag min el bachi .. i was so tired so so tired o makan y3amelni 3adel bel nfas .. laish ysawe chethy? ana ekteshaft wana bel khames .. min meta y3arefha ? sheno 3elaqat'hum ! laish chethy laish.. he really broke my heart! mama ba3ad wayed enkesar galbha 3alay "dalya alla ykhalech lattekadaren tara kel hal za3al yro7 bel 7alem o ydesh munani's system she1s a baby mata7amal el za3al"

"ya3ny shtabene asawe mama kelshay sawet sama7t o ta7amalt o ta3abt o mayqader wala sawa shay 7ag esteqbali u did everything o foog hatha ykhooni ? walla mastahal walla"

she huged me tight and said "walla matestahlen bas elshakwa lalla latabchen 7abebty el reyayel chlab lat3awren galbich .. 3a6eni elraqam ana a6ale3lich bayanat 3annah"

"sij ? tegderen?"

"eeh 3a6eeniyah .. o layadre 7amad enich daretay ebshay"

"oki" rte7t shway eni ra7 a3aref mino hathy .. o kent ga3da 3ala a39abi yomha .. 2 hourse later i got theis information .. Esemha nouf el flani .. 34 years old .. single .. teshteghel eb wezarat elkhareja aw eldakhela mathker .. 3enwan bet'hum .. raqamha el madani ..
"shbetsawen?"

"madre .. bas 34! akbar menah eb 10 years! wee3"

mama magalat shay .. bas sure makan 3ajebha .. ana wayed tghayart 3ala 7amad .. staghrabt mena .. o men tasarofata el sebyaneya .. i felt un loved .. 7aset eb naq9 .. ohwa shga3ed ydawer barra ? el self esteem wel nafseya was really down! 3 days later 7amad kan y7en yaby y3aref shfeeni .. wana madre shagoola .. so ohwa men nafsa gal ena yaby yetghada wenam 3endena .. ga3ad y7en shfech shfech .. i told him eny ta3bana men mjabal el baby .. laman nam .. i took his his mobile again o ga3adt ashoof again .. the number was saved under the name "Nweef" o kan emsolif ma3aha gabel la ydesh elbait!! sij mayeste7e 3ala wayha .. i felt angry .. so angryy .. wee3 7aqeer .. akhatht munani o re7t ag3ad bel 9ala .. laman ga3ad 3a6eta nafs shena .. sij makan le khelga .. o uhwa kan mestaghreb .. "shfech dalya 3asa mashar"
"ta3bana"

"kel ma aye ta3bana ta3banaa tara la3at chabde"

"!!!" i was shoked ,, didn't say a word!

"elsharha 3alay eli yaay .. ma3a elsalama"

"alla weyak!" .. no comment .. after this .. kan ydeg wana a7gera .. wagol 7ag mama etha daglich golela nayma .. ensan tafeh sakhef mayfaker ela ebnafsa .. agola ta3bana y3a9eb ! 3abala emjabal baby le3eb yahal .. fog hal ta3ab 7arakata elbaykha eli tkhale elwa7ed yet3ab zyada .. so after 2 days of ignoring him .. he called mama o galaha ena yaby y6ale3ni ..
"ambaih yuma shlon a6la3 wana bel arbe3en! bagele ba3ad sbo3en"

"maykhalef bas betemashon bel sayara"

"la mabi .. mabi ashof reg3at wayha"

"laa hatha raylech latgolen 3ana chethy"

"etdaf3en 3anna *sobs*"

"laaa .. latabcheen .. ana qasde marada lich o entay um benta aked y7ebech o sharech"

"lo sharene maykhonii"

"walla madre shagolich .. kaifech" ga3ad y7en 3ala umi 7anna ela yabe ymasheni ,, so akher shay i said oki .. defadet 3adel .. kan wayed bard shahar 1 2008.. rekabt elsayara wana mali khilg a6ale3 wayha .. a7esa waqe7! kint sakta 6ool el 6erej .. kan ysolif o yeth7ak bro7a .. o ana eb3alam thani .. shlon yegdar ymathel wesawe roo7a 6abe3e! .. so eb nes 6al3at'na ran mobilah! ga6et wayhe bel screen "Nweef" calling .. sawa mute o mashala..

"shela 3adee"

"la ba3den adegla"

"walla 3ade sakten muga3den nsolif"

"maykhalef akalma ba3den" makent aby a7en 3ashan mayshek ebshay.. re7na sharena sandwitches o 3a9er .. while eating nweef called again .. o 7aseta twatar shway .. o ana wayed wayeeedd 3a9abt! "7amad aby ared elbait sadre beda yentefekh we3awerni"
"shda3wa entay mo shaf6a tawa 7ag manoor"

"embala bas madre shfe sar fe 7aleb .. plz aby ared"

"7asafa kent bamashech shway 3al khalej bas yalla enshalla el yayat akthar .."

wa7na eb6erejna le el bait nweef called again .. "7amad sheelaa .. ethaher yabek tharori"

"3ade yan6er sheno 6ale3 ma3a murty ana"

"mmm .. meno hatha nweef?"

"hatha nawaf okho 3baid lesgher"

"cham 3umra?"

"laish tes2elen?"

"wayeed y7en!"

"la laish tes2elen?"

"ana eli laish as2al ? enta eli laish matshela tawa dag 3baid o kalamta! ba3den tawni adre ena 3enda okho sgher"

"ee mo kilshay lazem tadren 3anna o ana ared 3ala eli abeh weli mabi ared 3aleh mani rad 3aleh"

"deg aby asma3 sota"

"hahahaha 9a7ya entay shal 7arakat"

"7amad ga3da akalmik jad .. deg 3aleh aby asma3 sota!"

"mani dag"

"laish khayef?"

"o laish akhaf! shaka feni dalya?"

"la mo shakka .. ana met2akda .. hathy nouf el flani .. o 3umrha 34 o sakna eb **** o teshteghel eb *** o sarlik sh'hoor tkalemna .. fe shay ba3ad taby t3arfa?"

SILENCEEEEEEEEE